If you have children who are part of your parenting plan, then you know that much of what happens each day relies on their compliance. If a child doesn’t want to participate in the plan for any reason, it makes it much harder for everyone involved.

As a parent, it’s worrying when a child doesn’t want to come to your home or visit you. You may have questions about what you did, if the other parent said something negative about you or if there is another reason your children are avoiding you. Before you jump to conclusions, think about a few possibilities.

1. Your child has “made plans”

Sometimes, young children poorly express what they want to do and why. Perhaps a young child claims they were going to see a friend and doesn’t want to leave to your care because of it. If you and the other parent don’t know about this play date, then it’s possible your child made it with the other child with no firm agreement in place. Simple confusion or the desire to go somewhere else could make a child act out.

2. Illness makes them want to stay home

When you’re not feeling well, you probably don’t want to drive or go somewhere else. You just want to stay at home and rest. The same is true for children who are ill, too. Some may feel more comfortable with the parent who was around more often for illnesses in the past, making the other parent’s visitation time seem invasive of their needs. In these cases, it’s a good idea to consider what’s best for your child and if moving them is really in their best interest at that time.

3. They want to play with their toys

Sometimes, parents buy new toys for their kids but don’t want them to take them to the other parent’s house. Of course, the reason is that they want to make sure the toy is taken care of and at home for their child, and taking it could mean they forget it at the other home. If this is a significant problem, consider getting two of the problem toy, so there isn’t any issue transporting your child over a toy that can’t leave the home.

These are a few issues that might crop up, but many can be resolved with a simple discussion. If your child is fighting visitation times, it’s time to sit down and talk.