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Don’t turn your kids into messengers after your divorce

On Behalf of | Feb 24, 2020 | Child Custody & Support |

Having to communicate with your ex about the kids might not be on the top of your list of things you want to do. Unfortunately, this is just a part of sharing children after your divorce. Even though it isn’t necessarily pleasant, you and your ex should work together to have a respectful communication process throughout your parenting journey. 

Here’s why:

There’s less chance of error or confusion.

When you communicate directly with your ex, you don’t have to worry about misinformation being passed along or partial messages getting through. Instead, both adults know what was said. By speaking to each other, you can see the reaction of the other person yourself. You aren’t relying on a child to gauge it. 

Your kids will be less stressed.

Children who are asked to pass messages back and forth are at risk of having to deal with things they shouldn’t. For example, they shouldn’t be asked to handle negative emotions that can come with some messages. They also shouldn’t have the pressure of trying to remember what message to pass along. 

Your children won’t be used for information.

Keeping your kids out of the middle of your battles with your ex means that they can’t be used as pawns or sources of information, as well. Even if you wouldn’t ever pump your children for information, your ex-spouse might. By making it clear that the kids aren’t meant to be messengers, you give your spouse a signal that they aren’t supposed to be interrogated about your life, either. 

The method of communication and the terms for it can be outlined in the parenting plan. If you can’t communicate verbally with your ex, you might consider using a messaging service. In some cases, using a neutral third party might also be a viable option. The key here is to remember that your children shouldn’t ever be used as messengers.